Keeping Tabs Weekly, Winter 2023
Hackettstown, NJ—A teacher at Thornridge Middle School has served a petition of appeal to the superintendent of schools requesting her termination be overturned. Her reason? Her students were the ones who claimed there was a monster in the classroom—“it wasn’t me,” writes Meredith Price, who was dismissed from Thornridge last fall when a dozen students reported to their parents that “a giant monster” had invaded their sixth-grade classroom.
Mrs. Price offered as evidence to Superintendent Bodger a transcript of the Socratic circle* her students were engaged in at the time this alleged monster appeared. “It went off the rails before I even knew what they were talking about,” her appeal notes. “And then they started screaming and running around.”
The last names of all children in Price’s class have been redacted from the filing.
*Editor’s Note: A Socratic circle, also called a Fishbowl, is when students form an inner circle and an outer circle in class to engage in an educational discussion through dialogue, the inner circle exchanging insights in a fluid manner while the outer circle makes notes and observations. The two circles then switch places to continue the discussion, each group assuming new roles. Monsters have never been noted as participating in any other documented Socratic circle.
MRS. PRICE: Today we’ll explore the grasshopper infestation scene in Out of the Dust. The inner circle will lead the discussion for 10 minutes, while the outer circle listens, takes notes, and writes down two strong questions or observations. Then we’ll switch. Now, let’s look at the first question you prepared for: Tell us one connection to your own life or the wider world.
CHARLES: Grasshoppers really messed up my uncle’s soybeans last month. So, it can, like, happen to anybody, not just, like, back in the Dust Bowl time. And wheat.
RICHARD: Us, too. My parents’ soybeans, I mean. I get why Billie Jo feels so helpless in the book.
MEGAN: We stopped the grasshoppers with Mantis Man.
CHARLES: I don’t know that one. I think my uncle uses Roundup.
SAMANTHA: (outer circle) That’s for weeds, Charles Dimwit.
CHARLES: Hey, don’t call me your mom’s pet names.
SAMANTHA: (outer circle) Charles Dimwit, author of Lame Expectations.
MRS. PRICE: On target, please. No naming calling, students.
MEGAN: No, see, Mantis Man is a cryptid.
RICHARD: Whoa, Meg, I don’t think you can, you know, say that word.
MEGAN: Cryptid?
RICHARD: Oh! I thought you said, like, “cripple.”
SAMANATHA: (outer circle) You can’t say that word!
RICHARD: I didn’t—it was what she said first!
MEGAN: Look, let me show you. These are my dad’s cards. I can use them.
RICHARD: Are those Pokémon cards?
MEGAN: No, Pokémon aren’t real.
RICHARD: Uh huh they are. You know, my dad made about a million bucks selling Pokémon cards.
SAMANTHA: (outer circle) You aren’t even listening, so, shut up, Dickey. Ha. Your name’s Dickey.
MRS. PRICE: Megan, does your father know you brought his card collection to school?
RICHARD: Don’t call me your pet names, Samantha…pantha.
SAMANTHA: (outer circle) Copycat. And that doesn’t even make sense, Dickey.
MEGAN: Mantis Man eats grasshoppers. And I mean, a ton of grasshoppers.
RICHARD: Is it, you know, like a NeoPets card? I don’t get it. What’s a cryptic?
SAMANTHA: (outer circle) She said “critic,” Dickey.
MEGAN: And it’s very nice to people. Look.
MRS. PRICE: Megan, honey, does your father know—why does it glow like that?
MEGAN: I’m going to show you. Here it comes!
RICHARD: You better quit it, Samantha, or, you know, I could say something about you and Charles.
CHARLES: Hey, leave me out of your little lovers’ quarrel here. Like, I don’t even, like, like Sam. I want to, like, hear about this Mantis Man, so—
(Initial screams and shouts are heard as chairs are tipped over and the recording device was knocked off the desk. An unexplained clicking sound drowns out most of the remaining dialogue on the recording. The student Megan is heard shouting for calm. Mrs. Price is also heard screaming as she flees the room.)
RICHARD: Whoa! So, does he bite off his mate’s head while they’re mating?
SAMANTHA: (outer circle) That’s the girl mantis, Dickey.
(More screams, louder clicking)
RICHARD: Wait, then, so, is that what happened to the Headless Horseman, too?
(The clicking drowns out all other dialogue and then goes silent.)